Someone asked me the other day “how are you so patient, Professor Lerner?”
This was the highest compliment for me because I wasn’t always this patient.
Over the years, I learnt that patience wasn’t sitting still and being quiet. Patience means active listening, observing, asking questions, and being hella curious. And I knew I had a lot of research and studying to do. And this learning journey is never ending.
I have a unique gift of reading people’s energies that are in a room with me. Due to this, I observe their body language acutely and listen to the change of a tone in voice, as well as eye movements. Not everyone has this gift but that doesn’t mean you are not able to practice and nurture patience.
Patience is difficult. It will constantly, without hesitation, test your limits and sometimes see if you’ll become reactive to a comment, a movement, a smell… Patience asks us to slow down significantly. It asks you to be present to the best of your ability and listen. It also forces us to ask questions. Patience is a practice and it’s an education.
Accountability goes hand in hand with developing your patience. You must hold yourself accountable to listening, creating space that is undisrupted, and reducing the false story of the importance of multi-tasking. Accountability is a resource to help build structures and open communication lines. It creates a foundation on trust and growth from within.
With all the advancement in technology and information in today’s world, we are always stimulated and taking in much more information than we can actually handle. This is why creating a space to slow down to absorb information is vital. I want to also note that there are moments where we are indeed very overwhelmed and we are unable to listen or make a decision, and it’s important to communicate to your colleagues and team. When you try to push when you are at this breaking point, you lose all patience.
Here are 5 tools and their benefits that you can integrate to support you in your patience journey:
When your colleagues, teammates or guests are speaking to you - put away your phone. This shows you and them that you are present and you are intentionally reducing all distractions.
Listen fully. Allow the person who is speaking to you to finish their sentence before you respond. This is a sign of respect and it also gives you the full picture as well as all the information you need before you ask questions or respond.
Be curious. If you are uncertain of what someone is saying or you begin to make assumptions - ash for clarification. This will bring you all to the same base line and understand each other’s language.
Show appreciation - give gratitude to the person who shares their thoughts with you. This will build trust and give your colleagues, teammates and guests the assurance that they are safe to come to you with questions, concerns or celebrations.
If you are overwhelmed and do not have space to listen - communicate your boundary with kindness. It’s ok to not be able to absorb or participate but you have to be clear and kind around how you share your truth. Also, it’s important to schedule time in your calendar with your colleagues or teammates to have the conversation. By doing this, you will be able to ground yourself, find your patience from within and in return, have a fruitful and safe conversation with your teammate.