Skip the small talk

Start asking the juicy questions and learn their language

Connection and communication are the foundation to building relationships and trust. 

Photo by Kim Lerner - roaming the streets of BK

Every day we interact with so many people, whether that be in person, on the phone, via email. And sometimes, we are in a room full of strangers with a deep desire to find just one person we can connect with but the pressure of what question to ask is daunting. 

Small talk is the worst and it usually leads us nowhere interesting. How many times can you talk about the weather and say something that lands? Unless you’re a meteorologist or a marine biologist that’s following the weather patterns - I’m pretty sure you just state the obvious - “seems like fall is settling in huh?” Does that get you excited to continue the conversation? Let’s stay honest here. 

A large part of what makes networking and establishing connection for most is we are afraid to ask interesting and thought provoking questions due to the fear of making the person on the receiving end uncomfortable. When we ask someone a question that helps us understand who they are, it means they have to be ready to be vulnerable, which is uncomfortable. But it doesn’t have to be and nor should it be. 

Small talk should be fun and exciting. It should welcome laughter and interesting conversation that likely has nothing to do with the topic of the event you are at or  a topic on the meeting agenda. Icebreakers are a great tool to break up the nervous energy or the monotone, the usual, the boring - dare I say. 

In episode 36 of Hospitality from Within Podcast, I had the pleasure of having a collaborative conversation with

Kira (she/her)

, New York Director & Chief Human Resources Officer of Emma’s Torch. Before we started recording, I asked her if there was anything she wanted to cover and she expressed the stickiness she was navigating around her identity and finding common ground with others at networking events. The topics that are usually discussed are flat, uninteresting and led her to learn close to nothing about the people she was standing around with in a circle. So we workshopped this process and my gosh was it fun! 

Kira and I both continuously push the boundaries and status quo to learn about our colleagues, friends, and anyone that crosses our individual paths. We want to connect and learn your language. We want to shine light on all. And that means we have to ask “unhinged questions”, as Kira names it, to get to the core of who someone is and what lights them up. 

We put together a resource sheet filled with questions you can try out at your next networking event, as an icebreaker to start off your meeting, or ready for more discomfort - add one to your dating profile. 

In a team setting, creating a culture that is curious and built on communication through trust is a part of what keeps your team loyal to your business. Get to know your people, watch how they respond and listen to what they share in their response. You’ll be surprised at how much you can learn in such a short moment in time!