Why should you get more cozy with asking "why?"
As a leader, you are here to learn and teach every day. Discover, get curious, and uncover information through asking "why?"
I am honored that I am a caretaker and important person in my niece and nephews lives. Watching them grow into the little humans they are is a gift. They inspire me daily and are my constant reminder to stay curious and to explore the world from fresh eyes.
My nephew is currently in a space where “why” is his most favorite question. If I’m staying honest, sometimes it throws me off because we can go down rabbitholes of why after why and there are moments where I don’t actually have an answer that I’m confident with or that I know he will be satisfied with. It’s during these moments with both of them that I am reminded of the importance of asking “why?”. It shows a deep curiosity for whatever our minds want to know more about.
As adults, and often in times when we are in leadership roles, we may feel like we cannot be the ones to ask this simple but rather complex question. The truth is, sometimes asking “why” can make the person on the receiving end feel insecure because they do not know the answer. But what’s worse, continuing to make assumptions about a topic that you are presented with or asking why and then collaborating to find the answer?
Research shows that confidence is built when leaders feel educated and equipped with information. In a class of 18 participants, at the beginning of the study, not one student would raise their hand because they were nervous and felt intimidated to ask for further information or “why” when I presented a topic. Over the course of 12 weeks, at the beginning of our sessions, I’d require the participants to ask one question to the rest of the class or to myself. Each week, their hands were raising on almost every other topic that we covered. “Why” or “Can you elaborate on that?” became their favorite questions, which at times floored me because I didn’t always have answers for them in real time.
Insecurity arises when leaders have to answer with “I don’t know” and then don’t know how to get the answer. In these instances, leaders tend to close off, get reactive or simply say “no” because they feel the loom of not being deserving of this role due to lack of information on this topic.
This creates a very toxic environment that no one wants to be a part of. If you ever wondered why there is the famous “staffing shortage”, it’s because the internal culture of a business and team did not represent what it claimed to be. Unsafe environments where leaders, and anyone of the team for that matter, are not encouraged to raise their hands and ask why festers a very sticky energy. No one wants to feel that way - ever! And nor should they.
Yes, it is very uncomfortable to ask questions when you may have been sitting quietly for most of your career. Change that narrative. Change the energy and turn up the curiosity. It’s amazing how much we discover and uncover when we ask “why?”. Get curious, lean in with compassion, and get excited to learn something new!
Here are some examples of times you SHOULD lean into asking why
When you are feeling nervous about having a coaching conversation. Ask yourself why you are feeling this way and write it down.
When you are in a meeting and your colleague brings up a topic that you don’t understand fully - ask them why or to elaborate further
When your teammate / colleague does something out of steps of service order - ask them why. They may have come up with a new efficient technique or this may be a great opportunity for a coaching conversation.
When a guest returns their dish - ask them why they were dissatisfied with what they ordered.
Whenever you feel inadequate in an interaction, ask why(s) for more information so all parties involved can get to a resolve.